Monologue Studio

I’ve never start from a black canvas and add brighter color on top before so I decided to try it
still not really good with the light..

Then I start playing around with Photoshop filter and effect~

still not feeling well~ but drawing and recording helped a bit.

this is an old recording I did a long time ago~ found it while moving blog contents from the Chinese blog~ XD

The song is “Sadness and Sorrow” from Naruto.

I recorded three times for the piano, flute one and flute two, and I didn’t know how to match the tempo since I’m not playing all three parts at the same time…=_=; so I was relying on my own tempo counting~ which makes all parts off~~ XD

I was told last week that my weakness is that I don’t like to ask people questions or ask for help. This was not totally out of my expectation.
I’m always less active in real life compare to online~ XD maybe that’s not a good thing. Somehow interacting with people in real life is uncomfortable to me except with close friends. I’m not sure how I developed this problem~
I never work well in groups; once in a computer programming class I ended up being the person that wrote almost all the code, because everyone in the group was complaining that they were busy with other stuff. But I found it too troublesome to complain about stuff or take charge and tell everyone what to do~~ so it feels easier just to do what they told me to do. so even though I said “ok, I’ll start asking people for help from now”, I still don’t like it; it makes me really tired, but sometimes there are just stuff that you have to do. we don’t always get to do what we want.

This two months I’ve been really tired. Going to many different places…having almost no time by myself for two months is starting to make me depress. Maybe this is a weird reason? XD cuz I should feel lucky that I get the chances to visit different places~
It’s been a long time since the last time I feel this stressful and depressed

It’s a very mixed feeling; I still like to hang out with friends and family but not all the time. My brain gets really busy with too much information with too many people around. I’m not sure if everyone is like this…or if it is just me. If I’m waiting in line for a ride, not only I talk with people I go with, my brain will also pay attention to who is around, what the group of people in front of us is talking about, what music is being played, what the signs on the wall say~~ I just cannot not pay attention to stuff around me…it’s tiring. So I think I’ve had enough of theme parks for at least a year; I do not want to go to another place where there is full of people and sound everywhere. It’s driving me crazy, if I have to go somewhere crowded again this week I will have a nervous breakdown or anxiety attack~~ It’s probably really weird…most people would probably be really exciting if they are going to a theme park or place like that~ it’s suppose to be fun~ but it’s stressful to me. Yeah, sure I’ll say it’s fun, but the truth is I got more anxiety than fun. I remember once I went to Hong Kong and there was just too many people on the street all the time…no offense, but I hope I don’t have to visit Hong Kong again…it is just too crowded for me.

My mom always said that maybe my brain is too sensitive and sends signals too often, and that’s why it’s not easy for me to concentrate on one thing. I notice multiple things going on around me at the same time. And maybe that’s why I always have really complicated dreams and often woke up feeling even more tiring in morning. I guess my brain just keeps on processing lots of information during sleep. Sometimes when studying, I function better with really loud music with headphones…because at least I’ll only have two things going on…music and studying. Comparing to studying, who is passing by, the sound of cars outside, the sound of other people turning textbook pages. That’s why people often see me listening to really loud music through headphones while trying to concentrate on something.

Maybe this is why it is easier for me to interact with people online~ maybe this is part of the reason for my otaku-ness~
My brain is weird. And I am very glad I don’t have to go anywhere this week (fingers crossed); maybe I can recover from depression this week~~
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@ online friends - sorry for not being on the TL forum and msn much…I would like to be online more often, but this two months whenever I get a chance of being alone in my room I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing before I had to do something again..
I will start being more active again once I get over the depressing state~ ^^ so wait for me don’t kick me out of 7nin~~ haha

@ good sisters that i should call XD - you guys just come back to USA~ and I should call you guys to catch up~~ I’ll do that after I get better~

@**** - sorry that you had to endure my bad temper recently…